***I wrote this as I was falling asleep and then actually DID fall asleep. I’m posting it the morning after untouched. Sometimes, I get the urge to write despite being exhausted or not having much complete thought. I typically delete when that happens however I’m not going to do that.***
So I’ve been without a laptop for nearing 3 weeks now. This is why I haven’t blogged. It’s not the simplest to type these out on a phone. Therefore if there’s a typo.. just know what I meant. Thanks.
Today I was cleaning and recalled my first intense, triggered flashback. It was sometime in the area of my second sexually abusive relationship which I’m sure played a great factor in the recall. If you’ve never experienced abuse or flashbacks or triggers I can understand the frustration in that. The incredible details mixed among the simplest of lost details. I can assure you, it is not more convenient to have forgotten the things that will help solidify your case and will also make it believable for you. That being said I don’t have many details for this part. I remember driving my car.. which must have been my first car which was my blue Saturn. I was tracking North on I-81 and had just passed the exit for the airport. My best friend was with me. We often took the most random drives and adventures mainly listening to Good Charlotte, Avril Lavigne, Maroon 5 and Dash Ladd Confessionals. So this was not out of the ordinary. Suddenly something hit me like a brick wall. To this day I cannot remember what did it. Was it a song? A commercial? Did she says something? Did I see something? I almost had to pull over because I was so disoriented. It was such a huge moment I thought she saw it too. It was a literal flash and jolt for me. I couldn’t focus on anything. I couldn’t bring it back to see it better and I couldn’t figure out what had made me think of it. I still don’t .
I don’t remember anything after that besides probably sounding absolutely insane to my friend. I kept trying to figure it out. And now I think of THAT moment every time I drive that way. Triggered by a trigger.
After learning what triggers are, I was able to better understand them and also pinpoint what caused the trigger. For the most part.
