Say Their Names

I haven’t been able to write. I haven’t wanted to begin a sentence with “I” lately. Tonight I have a few things to share that have helped me and might help others.

I am a feminist, a supporter of equality, a supporter of human rights, an ally to the LGBTQ community, and also the Black Lives Matter movement.

I am also a survivor of domestic abuse, and multiple sexual assaults. 

I am white.

I am a woman. 

I am a writer.

I fear confrontation. I have a freeze response. 

My struggle in this historical time has been.. that I’m not sure how to walk. I know my friends hurt. I know my friends ache. I know my friends are angry, and tired, and that some of them are absolutely destroyed. I know they have been marching, and shouting, for a week straight. Miles upon miles of city streets in Syracuse have been filled with the most powerful of peaceful protest. I am proud of my friends. I am proud of my city and it’s residents. 

I needed to be reminded that help and support can come in all sorts of various ways. I don’t feel I can physically march. I fear I will shut down and freeze up. That something will trigger me and send me into a full blown anxiety attack I won’t be able to shake.....

SIDEBAR I feel I need to express that a panic attack isn’t necessarily “freaking out” like in movies. Mine can be  a slight paranoia to an all out horror film. END SIDEBAR

However, I can still donate money, or water for supporters, or pens, or whatever else they might need. 

I also saw something that said not to take the lead, but to follow. Be whatever people of color need us to be. 

Listen. Love. Support.